


Let Me Help You

by gee_oh_wilkers



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Brotherhood of Steel (Fallout), Gen, Panic Attacks, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Self-Hatred, Self-Love, Self-help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 12:15:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17203235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gee_oh_wilkers/pseuds/gee_oh_wilkers
Summary: Being on the battlefield with the Brotherhood of Steel, you often see dead bodies. You know you are in it only to find your son, but sometimes it can become a little much. Only one person can pick you up from this dark state of mind, and that is Paladin Danse.





	Let Me Help You

You laid in your bed in the Prydwen, trying to regulate your breathing as you could feel your anxiety build up. Every now and then, this would happen. You've dealt with it time and time again, but every time you seem to forget how to calm down. Then you try to fix yourself in different ways, sometimes writing, sometimes doodling, and sometimes you stop breathing.

Maybe it was you trying to stop it all together, or maybe it was you trying to take control of the body you couldn't control anymore. Maybe it was all of these things, but every time you tried to stop breathing, you would always gasp for air. You felt pathetic.

You hid under your blanket, taking in shakey gulps of hot air. Your chest was heaving, your jaw was twitching as you ground your teeth down. What was the matter with you? You couldn't even answer it yourself, and it turns out, no one could answer that but you because you're too afraid to let people in. You were a mess, and you were certain you'd always be like this.

Just when you promised yourself 'no tears', volcanic waterworks rolled across the bridge of your nose and soaked into the mattress. You cursed at yourself again for having no control over yourself. You were like a caged animal inside your body. You could watch, you could scream, but you were always under someone's control. And that someone never cares.

This was only the beginning of the storm. Going into battle was difficult, and you swear you would have never wanted this life for yourself but you promised that you would do anything to see your son again. Anything meant any-thing. But even though you're well familiar with dead bodies, you can't believe they are actually dead. A body that was moving just moments ago is now still like a statue because of your bullet. No matter what the life form you killed was, it mattered to you.

You shook below your sheets, terrified of who may be watching you. That was another thing, the Prydwen was always filled with people. There was never a moment where you could be alone, so everyone saw everything. And if by some odd means they didn't see everything, someone would be sure to fill them in.

Suddenly your right shoulder that was peaking out of the blanket was touched. "I'm," you sniffed away your runny nose, "I'm okay. Please leave me alone." You then tugged at the blanket trying to lift it over your shoulder again, but the person was holding on to it.

"Y/N, I would like to speak with you in my quarters."

Of course you recognized the voice. It was Danse. You worked alongside him for years; you and that voice became well over acquainted. You and him were very close, a bond like no other. You felt his hand rest against your shoulder, and then after a few moments, he left. You wiped away the tears and the runny nose you had.  You gathered yourself as much as you could.

You made it to his room in one piece, thankfully. Not many people looked at you, but you were sure they noticed you walk awkwardly. You closed the heavy metal door behind you, and rested your back against it. Danse was sitting on a long, yellow crate. He watched your eyes avoid his as you looked around. You've been in there before, but never have you been more interested in what his room looked like. Anything was interesting to look at when you're avoiding eye contact. 

Danse then tapped beside him on the crate, anticipating you to sit there. You meekly made your way over and slowly pressed down to the left of him. "I was sent to get you," Danse said in a way that made it seem as if he thought it was an ice breaker. "You don't need to tell me what this was about, but I'd like to help."

You extended the palms of your hands from your hips then to your knees. "It wasn't anything, just another 'thing'." You could hear Danse lowly sigh knowing he might need to fight for an answer, and he was very willing to do so. "Was it an, an attack?" He seemed to be searching for the right word. You nodded, and swiped the back of your left hand below your nose. Danse then placed his hand on your thigh closest to him. He was very careful with touching you in this state, he knew you could easily get overwhelmed again. In fact, he was always careful with you. He never wanted to overstep your boundaries. That's probably why you have only stayed friends.

"I--," you cleared your throat, "all the death can sometimes be a lot to take in." Danse quickly realized you weren't breathing correctly, and took your hand and placed it on his chest. "Inhale deeply. Copy my pace." His chest expanded under your fingertips, then reduced slowly. Although it took minutes for you to be regulated again, Danse was patient.

Your hand retreated to your thigh again, and you both sat there comfortably. Although you were still shook up, you were glad he could help you with your anxiety because not even you could. You could tell he didn't want to skip over what just happened, and he wanted to help it go away all together, but he didn't know how to. "You don't have to be in the Brotherhood, Y/N." He told you this time and time again. He understood BoS missions were the reason you kept having anxiety attacks, and that was the only solution he saw. He knew though that you were determined to find your son, and this was one of the steps to finding him. He also hated the idea of you leaving him, but he wouldn't let himself get in the way.

"Danse you know I would never leave the Brotherhood, I just can't." You paused slightly in your words. Never did you realize how committed you were to finding your son until you said that. You were willing to have millions of anxiety attacks just to see him again. "I see your determination and your loyalty to the Brotherhood, but it isn't worth the trouble. You risk your life on the battlefield day in and day out, and you face more consequences than necessary."

Danse got up from the crate, and faced away from you. "This may sound selfish, but I don't want to lose you. Leaving the Brotherhood might make that happen, but hell, I'd rather you be happy." Your heart ached for just a brief second, knowing that he meant that fully. You were the only person Danse had been close to ever since he lost his friend Cutler. His hands then rested on his hips, and he looked down. "Anyway, I appreciate you listening to me."

You got up too, brushing away the tears that were drying on your cheekbones. "It's not selfish Danse. I think-- I think we both need each other to keep going on. I couldn't leave you even if I wanted to. You are always my saving grace." You furrowed your brows, while laying your hand on his right bicep. "I am happy here; I'm happy here with you. I can't leave when you're here." His shoulders then came together, almost as if he was shy.

"I... I didn't know you felt so strongly about our relationship." You then pulled back your hand, and smiled. "I thought you should know how I feel." Danse then turned around, his cheeks dusted with a warm shade of pink. He quickly realized he didn't know what to do now that he was facing you, and regretted his action.

"You could," his voice cracked under pressure as he retreated to the issue on hand, "could stay here until you feel better." You smiled slightly and nodded, "thank you, Danse.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure why, but every time I am having a panic attack I overcome it by writing for Danse. I hope this could help some of you like it did for me!~ <3


End file.
